this blog has helped me to vent ideas and concerns and random bursts of energy. i’m grateful for the way blogs allow us to share with others and connect us to those across distances. however, i’ve decided to keep my writing on paper for a while. i’ll return to this blog in due time, or perhaps delete this one and start up something new, if it feels appropriate. if you’ve read through my previous posts, i hope you’ve enjoyed them hopefully i’ll be in touch with my readers again soon …

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one moment

i have so many thoughts soaring through my head, but none of which are ready to put down in public view yet.

i’m still here. speak soon.

life extraordinary

‘in the beginning, charisma may propel you forward, but it is strength and refinement of character that carries you beyond the limitations of an ordinary life. that is, to be lifted out of a life of complacency, one in which there is little progression or growth, we must be more than ambitious … we must act on intentions and goals.

we must have our priorities in order. we must be humble enough to seek out the will of our heavenly father before seeking our own. we must have self-discipline, integrity, and compassion. we must not only be willing to serve others, we must make time to do so. we must be able to laugh at our mistakes, learn from them, make amends if needed, and move forward with hope regardless of what obstacles we face.

through action, we bring ourselves into a life that expands beyond our greatest hopes and desires. but now is the time to act – do not delay. life is waiting for your decision. once you’ve made your choice, it waits no longer … you will be left to remain where you are, or to chase after it until you catch up again, where you will find that although you may still enjoy an extraordinary life, one of fulfillment and joy, you will have paid a heavy price of many lost opportunities.’

- anonymous

auld lang syne

i love when the new year comes around, because i love reviewing what i have done with the previous year and how i’ve spent my time, so that i can refocus, realign, and rededicate my life for the months ahead. this year, i have numerous things i am working towards – improving my relationship with the lord by praying more consistently than i have been (among other things), continuing training for my marathon, finishing up another semester or two at school before possibly changing focus there, developing upon my talents more – particularly in the arts and linguistics … as well as a few more private goals.

i know i can achieve anything with the lord’s help, but i am not concerned with perfection in any of these goals. in the scriptures we are commanded to be perfect, but i knowing that i am human and that my only chance at perfection is through the grace of christ, i just want to do my very best. i will do as much as i am capable of doing, one day at a time. i just want to be a better person than i was yesterday, and to strive to do the lord’s will before my own.

i like fresh starts – starting over, or starting something new, are each very appropriate throughout our daily lives. however, new years’ resolutions are often (though not always) disappointing, because people really should be making goals more than just once each year … and too frequently, goals set at new years are the ones people fail at the most because they fail to make a plan on how to achieve those goals.

i am the first to admit that motivation is not easy to come by, and sometimes the thought of a new year can result in people realizing that they left so many things unsaid or unfinished over the last twelve months … regret can creep in during those reflections, and a burst of renewed motivation stemming from that regret comes forth. it’s just that in nearly every case, it’s not enough for change to happen.

i’ve had numerous things motivating me over the past several years – and in all honesty, regret has been one driving factor amidst them all – but more recently, i’ve narrowed things down to the bare bones of what i feel i need in life, and what the lord wants for me. i love people – really, loving and serving others are among my greatest talents. that’s what drives me in life. i want to live a life of sincere service to both my fellow man and to my creator.

i do believe that each person is greatly influenced by their level of self-discipline and the genuine desires of their heart. where a person may be lacking – and aren’t we all lacking in some way? we’re human – can be remedied by trusting in a power and a wisdom that exceeds that of his or her own, and allowing that power and wisdom to take precedence over our personal will. this does not excuse us from putting forth effort or working for a desire goal. everything in life is work on some level. the ultimate goal out of everything you plan for should be joy. you deserve to be happy – everyone deserves joy. as much as reality dictates that no single life will be pure bliss the entire time, i can tell you that our choosing of one paradigm over another makes all the difference. furthermore, a willingness to be obedient to the lord’s will has the greatest impact. president thomas s. monson once said:

there is no need for you or me in this enlightened age, when the fulness of the gospel has been restored, to sail uncharted seas or travel unmarked roads in search of a ‘fountain of truth.’ for a living heavenly father has plotted our course and provided an unfailing map—obedience.

this is essential – it is part and parcel alongside humility, gratitude, optimism, desiring to learn continuously – i mention these things a lot because they are important to our progression in this life, in working towards the joy that god intends for us.

it’s time for a little more joy, my friends – let me rephrase that: it’s time to love life. every minute. and in the process, get a few things done. to be mindful, to be obedient. there is so much potential in any given day, we just have to seek out the opportunities placed before us and make choices with the lord’s guidance.

everything is work

the trouble with simple living is that, though it can be joyful, rich, and creative, it isn’t simple. (doris janzen longacre)

i found a journal entry from september 2008, where i had encountered a pensioner on my walk to work that morning. this elderly gentleman was ranting about how young people don’t have a work ethic like their forefathers. bless his heart, he would not leave me alone, nor would he change the topic of his one-sided conversation …

per the aforementioned journal entry, whilst listening to the old man rant, i kept thinking about an anecdote that a former history and economics professor taught me … an anecdote about everything in life being some form of work. my professor’s first example to explain his point of ‘everything is work’ was that if you believe in god or a higher power, then presumably you believe in some sort of planning and effort that took place in the universe’s formation. that was work, god’s most creative work, and that is why one of his titles is the creator. the professor then proceeded to give the following example:

at any given time, there’s a young child, say age five, is sitting on a chair in front of a desk in a classroom somewhere, using a pencil to write his/her name on a piece of paper. seems simple enough, right? yes, the teacher’s presence there in the classroom is work. yes, the child’s fervent attempts to correctly write their name is work. but think on this – the pencil is work. the chair the child is sitting on is work. the desk, the piece of paper … both are work. even the child is work (not necessarily in the way you might think) and the teacher is work, too. why? well …

let’s say the pencil was purchased by the child’s mother. let’s also presume that the money had to be worked for and earned by the child’s father to pay for that pencil. the pencil came in a pack of twelve pencils from a corner shop – the store clerk worked a shift when that pack of pencils was sold, and had probably stocked the shelves in the store earlier, including the shelf where those pencils were displayed. the pencils had to be brought to the store somehow – by truck or plane or whathaveyou, delivered by someone doing their job. the pencils were in a plastic bag or thin cardboard box, which had to be made and put together by someone, even if all they did was supervise a machine doing the actual manufacturing. that’s still a form of work. say it was a thin cardboard box the pencil came in – someone had to plant the trees, cut down the trees, chop the trees and grind them into a pulp … all that to make just the box. the pencil itself – someone had to mine the lead, and someone again had to source the wood for the main part of the pencil. as for the child and the teacher … well, for every person in existence, there were two people before them that participated in the ultimate mortal experience of creation and work – bringing a child into this world with the help of our heavenly father, and then raising that child once they leave the womb.

do you see now how everything, in some way – direct or indirectly – is work? it really was one of the best lessons i ever had as a teenager, and one i like to ponder even now. it helped me realise that anything can be done if you just work for it.

this may be considered obvious, but it’s worth noting that being a good person requires a lot of hard work. i once learned from my friend giorgio that in italy, the thought that ‘cleanliness is next to godliness’ is utilized on a more personal level by italians – the care a person takes of their home, their appearance, their belongings, and their family is a direct reflection of the consideration that person has for their emotional and spiritual wellbeing. the spiritual aspect is somewhat arguable, as i’m sure there are a few rather evil persons somewhere who can’t stand dirt on the floor, but i do think it’s much easier to be a good person, to live up to what you know to be true, when your environment and schedule are not cluttered and chaotic. it’s best to stick with the basics, and to keep things simple.

i prefer to live simply, to keep things simple, but keeping life from getting complicated is something that has to be worked for on a minute-by-minute basis. it’s almost an art form, really … and yet, a simple life really is one full of honest work and gratitude, of living up to the standards and morals we know to be right. if we remember that, and acknowledge the lord’s hand in all things (and ask for his help whenever we need it – and when do we not need him?), then life can always be a little bit easier and simpler.

just thought this was worth pondering again.

know thy monsters

i have a large plush domo-kun that i cuddle with at night. two things are inevitable if i am tired enough to crash into bed immediately upon returning home from work: firstly, i will somehow manage to sleep in past five o’clock in the morning (my normal wakeup time), and secondly, i will wake up confused (it will take me a good ten minutes to figure out where i am … not fun).

bearing the above in mind, cuddling with domo-kun at night sets me up for injury. how? the first thing i will see with my hazy vision upon awakening in the morning is a red mouth full of pointy teeth. there is a strong chance of my fuzzy brain over-reacting to that. i get a scare that lasts for about twenty seconds – it promptly ends when i fall out of bed and hit my head on something. hard. i will then realize i’ve just been frightened by my cuddly little monster.

oh dear.

i reflect on my life a lot … i find what lessons i can from past choices in order to improve what i do with my future. in this process, i find many metaphors for life through little things in my day. getting freaked out by domo-kun upon occasion is no exception to this. i think everyone has a ‘cuddly little monster’ or two (or more) they cling to – bad habits, fears, unhealthy relationships, etc. we find comfort in what we know, even if it’s painful or hurtful, rather than to risk venturing into the unknown or something different than our norm. we climb back into bed each night and hold close these monsters, feeling soothed by their familiar presence and lulled into unconsciousness from the reality we’re cradling in our arms.

food for thought, cooked up for my own brain more than others, but i thought i’d share the love. i need to think about what monsters i take to bed each night, and how to send them packing …

what do you want most?

i keep up with the blogs of friends about once every couple of weeks or so, and recently found an older post on daniel’s blog that really pricked at my heart. i would encourage you to read through that entry, and consider these questions he poses:

is this what you want now or what you want most? there is a very large difference between the two… does this, whatever this is, take you towards what you want now or what you want most? if your most is worth it, then you will change your now’s.

in reading through everything he wrote and pondering over those questions, so much clarity came from thinking in terms of what i want now versus what i want most in life. there are a lot of hard questions i’ve had to answer over the past year or so, and my answers to those all come back to what i want most … the things i am willing to pursue over other, more immediate things. those things i want most i am willing to make sacrifices for, because they will bring the most joy to me in the end. there’s a liberation to be found in knowing what you want out of life, what your goals are. it makes all other decisions that much easier to choose when the time comes.

keep these things close

my mother taught me to keep a gratitude journal – a little book where i write down something i am grateful for each day. i can write down whatever I want. It can be anything. then, in times where i am struggling or when life weighs heavy on my shoulders, i can turn to this little book and see how blessed i am. these reminders written by my own hand turn my heart to the lord, and i find joy even in difficult moments ♥

choose

my dear friend hanna shared this video with me wednesday evening, and it really struck me as an important message on several levels. interestingly enough, what gives this song its depth is the mini-story in the video. the song is lovely on its own, but the imagery gives it momentum and power.

the first thing I thought of while watching and listening to this was “choose ye this day …” (joshua 24:15) and hanna pointed out the symbolism of our heavenly father seeking us as we seek him. he wants us to return to him. there’s more to ponder if you watch and listen to this a few times.

i choose a beautiful ending.

happy autumn!

a few elements of autumn: a fast car (for breezy road-trips), a pumpkin (miniature preferred), and me (hoorah, i was born!).

yes, ’tis my season, and this time around, my twenty-fifth birthday is on its way. i feel old, but it’s not necessarily a bad thing.

to be noted: additional autumn elements of rain, seasonal leaves, and bonfires + marshmallows would be greatly appreciated … ooh, i sense a semi-impromptu camping trip coming on!